Out of all the jobs at Microsoft, none of them apply to me

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I don't usually apply for jobs outside of Central Texas, but at the request of my brother, I decided to see if there might be job for me at Microsoft in Redmond, Wash. So I sent in my resume to the Employee Referral Program and waited. And waited. And waited. I heard nothing from them until Joey Aboulhosn of SourceRight Solutions (v-joeya@microsoft.com) sent me this on Dec. 20. SoureRight Solutions isn't actually part of Microsoft, but a contracted firm that handles HR responsibilities. But, hey!, I'm on file now and I put the odds of them getting back to me before filing my paperwork in the great recycling bin in the sky at 100,000 to 1.
On a side note, I did do a phone interview with a Bryan Nairn with Microsoft's Trustworthy Computing arm about a public relations job a few days before this and got zero response back from him. I think he was interviewing me as a favor to my brother, a Microsoft employee, not that he actually thought I was qualified or capable of getting to the Pacific Northwest in a timely fashion since they wanted to fill the job by the end of the year -- a stretch considering they hadn't even started interviews with only a couple of weeks until the end of the year. I'd post Bryan's email, but it's not really a rejection letter, more of a snark. 

Hi Sean,
Thank you again for your interest in Microsoft.  We want to follow-up with you about your submission, which a Microsoft employee made through the U.S. Employee Referral Program on 11/29/2011.  This is the final update you will receive from the Employee Referral team. However, please be assured that your information will continue to remain accessible in our database to all of our recruiters and they may contact you in the future as openings occur.
At this time, there is no recruiter activity on your resume.  This doesn’t mean there isn’t a match between your background and Microsoft’s open requisitions; just that one has not been identified at this time.   If a recruiter identifies a match between your skills and experience and an open position, they will contact you directly.  
In the meantime, to maximize the visibility of your skills and experience, please continue to apply online at http://careers.microsoft.com to all positions you are interested in and for which you believe you may be qualified.  This will be the final update from the Employee Referral team however Microsoft recruiters continually search our database for qualified candidates and if your skills match the basic qualifications of an open position, the recruiter will contact you directly.
If your contact information, education status, or work history change in the future, please have your Microsoft employee contact resubmit your resume to the Employee Referral program.
Thank you again for your interest in our positions.  

Joey AboulhosnEmployee Referral ProfilerSourceRight Solutions @ Microsoft